Life Is Handing Me Lemons, Too Tired To Make Lemonade

Not too long ago I wrote a post about time not being on my side. That is quite true but I came to the realization (right before I started writing this post actually) that there is another reason why I haven’t written much here. Usually I want to have a focus on positive, motivational or inspirational posts with the very occasional rant but lately that has been difficult. Difficulty in trying to be positive through all the drama, stress and lemons always thrown at me. I have lost my positivity a couple months ago and I have become on edge and funless.

I haven’t worked on my book, I haven’t had much sleep, I barely write on my blogs and social media has taken a back seat. I rarely even check my email anymore. I was on the path to build up my “writing” resume but that has been also put aside. All I want to do is mess with my garden, it’s the only thing that takes me from the drama in my life. It is my only escape.

Literally everyday something stressful would happen so I haven’t had the chance to get through each moment without another thing happening. I need to have time to process what is happening. In the past three months or so everything has built up and caused me to be crabby and bitter.

I am starting to not care anymore. I can’t bring myself to feel the pain of everything that has happened. Missing too many people either from death or them moving far away has been too hard to handle. I just don’t have the strength anymore.

A week ago my oldest child and her two children abruptly moved four hours away. I had no time to get grips on getting through the hurt and pain I felt. I felt a lot of anger, angry at a few people I believe heavily influenced her decision. And she says she will probably move back here but deep inside I don’t think it’ll happen. I am grieving. I can’t kiss and hug them everyday or laugh with them everyday or snuggle my two month old grandson everyday. It is a huge loss for me.

Everyone in my household expects me to be fine and happy all the time, how can I when I lose so much and half of my family is gone? They all seem so shocked when I am crabby or edgy. I am expected to always be strong. People in my life perceive me as some kind of super woman. Some days I can be but lately I have been feeling emotionally weak.

My kids and grandkids are all I really have when I think about it. Sure I have my husband, friends and siblings (recently found out my brother is moving 2500 miles away) but my marriage isn’t the best, it’s difficult to be social due to my kids and husband demanding so much of my time and siblings live over three hours from me. It really is Ok, I have made the decision that my kids come before my friends. It is just some days I really want to have a conversation with a friend without being interrupted by my kids or husband.

Yesterday I saw a Neuro Optometrist, he specializes in neck trauma which can affect the eyes. He had to ask me several questions and one was, “have you experienced depression and/or anxiety?” Well I do know I have anxiety but depression hasn’t been an issue for me. But lately, past six months or so, I have been slowly getting depressed and I am quite sure it is because I have been in chronic pain for over two years. My leg doesn’t function like it should, I have pain from head to toe which can get quite unbearable at times and this all usually goes on 24/7. I have also felt loss because of that. Can’t work, can’t run, can’t walk far without a cane, can’t clean and garden for hours straight and many other things. For awhile I had the I can attitude but I need to be realistic here. There’s several things I really cannot do.

I am so so so tired. Beyond tired, I am exhausted. Most nights I get 3-4 hours of sleep. Suddenly I wake around 2 or 3 in the morning and I would be wide awake. My husband tells me to go back to sleep, all I want to say to him is “duh, don’t you think I would if I could?!?” He doesn’t understand my insomnia or physical pain. When I tell him I am so extremely tired he doesn’t really get it. Hence why I really cannot make lemonade when life throws lemons at me.


Beauty After The Storm


Fireball in the sky.

After our first “juicy” storm of this year I took these photos.


Was a double rainbow. One of them disappeared right before I took photo. Taken on other side of dock

We were about to go fishing and of course it took awhile to get everyone ready to go. Longer than usual actually. Right when we were about to walk out the door the flood gates released from the dark sky. Following was a downpour of mini hail balls and high wind gusts.

I almost always check the current and near future radar before we head out but this time I didn’t.

And when I think about it, it was actually a good thing it took longer than usual for everyone to get ready. Otherwise we would’ve been stuck in rain, wind and hail.

Blogging Awards!




I have finally been able to do this award post. My apologies to clumsyfool for taking so long to post this.

I am so thankful to be nominated for the above awards by clumsyfool ! I enjoy reading his posts. Please take a moment to check it out.

Rule was to pick the awards from the seven that was listed. I picked the above three, unsure if they pertain to my blog though. I am quite modest so it was difficult to pick them. Very interesting concept though. I haven’t come across being able to pick my own awards before.

The Liebster award is for bloggers who have less than 200 followers and from what I found out liebster means “favorite” in German.

I am sure The Interesting Blog award is pretty much self explanatory. I feel as though I provide interesting content, I could be wrong though. Feel free to express your opinion about my blog in the comment section. But be nice and considerate. There is always room for improvement.

As far as The Seed Of Light award goes I think it means just that. Planting the seed of inspiration and creativity.

As I have done before I cannot pick certain blogs to nominate. I follow so many, about 140+. How can I pick just a handful to give these awards to?

You all are creative, talented, deep and many times literally make me laugh out loud. I relate to many of you. I am thankful I have found such a wonderful community of bloggers.

And to my followers, I appreciate all of you who take the time to read my rants, thoughts and details of my life. I never thought so many people would be interested in reading my ramblings.

Appreciation and Thank You, Lack Thereof

Denis Collette…!!! / Love Photos / CC BY-NC-ND

“A thankful heart is not only the greatest virtue, but the parent of all other virtues.” – Cicero

Have you ever done a rather large and important favor for someone and you never even got a thank you?

Recently that has happened to me. I really enjoy doing things for people and I don’t expect anything in return. Well I take that back, I do expect one thing, a thank you. Two small words that make a huge impact but those two words were never spoken.

I am hurt and angry. This favor turned my household upside down and getting no appreciation for what I have done makes me not want to do any favors for that person again.

I have been waiting patiently for a thank you but few days have passed. No quick text, no quick phone call, not even a quick visit to our house. Takes just a few minutes to show appreciation. Is it really that difficult???

Time Really Isn’t On My Side

aussiegall / / CC BY

Time has been getting away from me the past week, more than usual. Hours have been going by like minutes and I can’t keep up. Before I know it it is bedtime for my youngest daughter.

I am missing WordPress, my three times a week posts aren’t occurring lately. Being able to read posts every day hasn’t been easy either. I think I may be having blogging withdrawals, I feel like something is missing in my daily routine.

Tending my large garden is eating up several hours throughout the week also. I think we have planted too much. I haven’t counted but I am estimating we have at least 15+ different plants growing. Watering, weeding, thinning out, separating and transplanting is enjoyable but hard work.

With the kids being out of school for the summer I have had to entertain the youngest one. She is in need of my attention much of the day. You would think an almost 6 year old would be happy with entertaining herself some of the time.

At least once a day I hear “Moooom” from one of my daughters then another “Mooooom” from another daughter. Demanding my attention consecutively. I really don’t mind it, however it does make it harder to get things done.

With the weather finally being bright and warm we all have been spending almost every minute outdoors. Either taking walks, going to the parks in our town or just sitting in the backyard enjoying each others company. It is difficult to be inside the house when we have been cooped up for 9 months this past winter. I am sitting at our patio set writing this post as my youngest keeps herself busy by making mud in a pot.

h.koppdelaney / Art Photos / CC BY-ND

I set aside some time today to try to get my daily routine back so I can fit everything into the limited amount of time I have. I wrote a daily to do list which includes several things such as working on my book, doing blog posts and working on my youngest daughters summer speech therapy. It starts on Monday and I am crossing my fingers in hopes that the lists will work.

One more thing, due to so much going on I will only be posting on Mondays and Thursdays. There may be times where I will only be able to post once a week. Maybe when life and time slows down a bit I can get back to posting three times a week.

Photo credit: aussiegall / / CC BY
Photo credit: h.koppdelaney / / CC BY-ND

The Joys of Trailriding/Mudding


Those aren’t raindrops on windshield they are from going through the puddles.

These photos are along the Mesabi Trail. It is a popular trail and it stretches a great distance.


Deep puddle which got deeper with every pass through. The red hue is caused by taconite.



Can you see garbage in background? Unfortunately people dump appliances, garbage and furniture in the old abandoned mines and within the forests. It makes me frustrated to see such a mess in the middle of natural beauty.

Shine On Award!!!


I would like to thank Terry-Bullying Prevention at for this amazing award. I am thankful I found his blog. He is highly passionate about preventing bullying and he is a compassionate and caring individual. His blog is informative and well written, I highly suggest you check it out.


1. You must thank the person who has given you the award.
2. Copy the logo and place it on your blog.
3. Link person who nominated you for the award.
4. State seven things about me.


Due to doing this three or four times before I am running out of things to say about myself. I will do the best I can, I apologize if I already listed some of it before.

1. I enjoy several different genres of music. I dislike new country, pop, and some rap.

2. I am addicted to chocolate I think. I get crabby if I can’t get my hands on some when I am craving it.

3. I miss being able to vacuum and carpet clean. Yep those are two things I have really enjoyed doing. I no longer do it due to causing too much pain in my neck and back.

4. I have three cats and a dog. Haas (dog), Pandora, Thumper and Philip (cats).

5. I enjoy gardening and houseplants. I would love to have a whole room just for my houseplants. Such as a sitting area surrounded by massive plants.

6. Hmmm, what else? Oh seeing or even thinking about ticks makes me want to vomit. Deer and wood ticks are heavy around northern MN. Even when my daughter plays in our backyard I check her for ticks sometimes. Reason why they are so disgusting to me is when Ladybug was about 3 years old I was brushing her hair and found a plethora of them on her scalp! We lived in The Twin Cities at the time and to this day I have no clue how she got so many. All I know is it was gross and I can no longer see them without gagging. Just a few nights ago there was one on my kittens tail, ladybug had to take it off because I just couldn’t do it!

7. Last and final thing….I am so appreciative for you all following my blog. I have met so many wonderful people so far. It is absolutely amazing how nice all of you are. I want to thank you all for reading, commenting and saying sweet things about my blog posts.

I am unsure how many blogs I should nominate so I will assume it is maybe ten. Sounds like a good number to me. Here are the following blogs who inspire, evoke positivity, make me laugh and/or give me hope for humanity. They are in no particular order.

Congratulations to you all!!











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