Over the course of I would say the past year or so life has spun and has spun so fast and out of control that I had to put many things on the back burner. My focus was on trying to hold things together in my life, I failed and became lost and depressed. I am slowly coming back and finding myself again. I will not allow anyone to squash my goals or purposely remove my focus on what I need and want to do with my life.
Each little thing that has happened over the course of few years became larger and larger. Many issues I would try to fix which did nothing but cause me more grief, pain and hurt. Unresolved issues I could no longer ignore or tolerate when I saw there was no change for the better. I still wanted to try, try to hold on and hope that what was happening would get better. Hoping for so long, I put so much focus on trying and hoping for something I now know was in vain. Because what used to be was lost and I will never see that again. I am grieving for what was, my heart hurts and I am dealing with a roller coaster ride of emotions. However, I am taking it all day by day, sometimes hour by hour. Right at this moment I can say I am okay.
My goal is to start off with baby steps to get to where I was, to the person that I used to be. That is the way it needs to be done, too much at once leads to losing focus on goals and plans. My daily priorities have changed drastically and really I never know what my days will bring. I wake every morning feeling positive that the day will be a wonderful one. Issues surface that would be unexpected. Many of them could be avoided however, I don’t usually have control or the strength to get through the issues.
I know I am being vague in details but for now that is the way I feel I need to be, is vague. At a later time I will share more.