The past school year has been an exciting journey. My 5 year old is at her last day of preschool today. I feel both sad and excited at the same time.
I keep picturing myself bringing her to the bus stop on the first day of kindergarten, my eyes well up with tears. These are the times where I wish I could stop time and keep her 5 forever.
I ask her if she is excited to start kindergarten in the fall, she tells me she doesn’t want to go. She also told me why, I usually ask her why she feels the way she does. It helps to get to know what is really going on in her little mind. She went on to tell me that she will miss her friends and teachers in preschool. We live so close, walking distance, to her preschool that we will be able to visit once in awhile. And some of her friends will be going to the same school in the fall. She seemed to feel better after that and now she is excited.
But as I did my best to make her feel more at ease, I secretly felt sadness and also some nervousness. I hid my feelings from her, she didn’t need to see how I felt, that would’ve only made the situation worse.
I don’t want to let go, I want to hang on! I know I need to let her grow and be independent but she is my last child. I won’t be having anymore babies. I suppose that’s why many of the youngest children in families get spoiled by their parents. Maybe it is a sense of loss. They want to hang on because they know there won’t be anymore, those precious moments will never happen again.
I have been doing a lot of reminiscing lately. I frequently tell my kids stories of when they were little, I think back to those moments and feel even more loss. And as my mind slowly seems to be “fogging” up those memory’s are fading. I do believe it may be time to document all the memories of my children. Maybe write a short book for each of them and for myself. Snippets of events, funny/silly things they did, and all the things we did as a family.
In this situation I suppose I should look at how the sad ending really does equal happy beginnings.