Too Much To Think About

As I take a shower or wash dishes I find that a hundred thoughts go through my mind, from the very mundane to the very important. Sometimes my thoughts don’t make sense, they sometimes flow from thinking about letting the dog out to wondering if my 20 year old is really okay. My mind is constantly scattered which makes me so tired. I cannot stop the thoughts. Takes me about two hours to fall asleep every night due to my constant thinking.

Luke Andrew Scowen 2009 / / CC BY-NC-ND

It is the worst when I am driving. My thoughts about how the towns should fix the roads to wondering how so many horrible drivers received their license. They swerve into the other lane, I wonder if they are intoxicated.

I analyze, try to fix things, and wonder. I wonder about everything. Is everyone truly okay? Am I ever going to be rid of my chronic pain and foot drop? Is my 5 year old going to inherit ADHD due to her dad/my husband having a severe case of it? Did me taking Celexa while pregnant cause her to have issues? Will all my kids be successful and happy? All those questions flow together and are thought about within a short span of time, maybe a couple minutes tops.

deadstar 2.1 / / CC BY-NC-ND

When someone in my life acts out or is slowly getting more angry over a span of a few years I try to figure out what could be really wrong. Sometimes I can’t pinpoint it and when I inquire about it I don’t get real honest answers. I wonder what makes them tick, childhood, being jaded, pessimistic personality, or anger issue. I try to think of ways to help them to better themselves, I have this urge to fix them. Maybe it is the motherly instinct that drives me to want to “fix” my loved ones.

Sometimes my thoughts turn to worry, I do my best to not worry but my best isn’t enough. When my older daughters wouldn’t come home on time the worst case scenario would go through my mind repeatedly. Now I know what my mother meant when she would tell me, ” I thought you were dead in a ditch! Don’t you ever come home late again!” And I would usually think that my mother was just an overreacting worry wart. But it’s true, those thoughts immediately enter my mind and I get anxious then angry. My thoughts wouldn’t subside until they would walk through the door unscathed, then after their explanation I would repeat what my mother said to me and I would ground them.

I have come to terms with the constant thoughts, I cannot change it therefore I just need to deal with it. It is a part of who I am and it always has been.

Photo credit: deadstar 2.1 / / CC BY-NC-ND Woman w/ Brain

Photo credit: Luke Andrew Scowen 2009 / / CC BY-NC-ND Speed of Light


4 thoughts on “Too Much To Think About

  1. Oh yes lots of praying and meditation involved. However, I have no clue how to meditate. I really really need to learn though :). I have always been a positive go with the flow type of person but the past few weeks some things have happened that are causing my anxiety level to skyrocket! Before I go to sleep tonight I will be putting your advice to practice.

  2. My goodness, it sounds like you have been in my head. I, too have constant, relentless thoughts of worry, children, family, what if, how come, oh no… it goes on and on.
    I have found a coping mechanism that takes self discipline and practice, but it does work.

    I don’t know your faith (if any), but I find that if I make myself focus on what I am thankful for (and this applies to any belief system), I eventually find peace. Your mind will fight this as the worry tries to creep back in, but I guarantee you that in time it will be an automatic response. A nugget of anxiety and your spirit answers with thank you for… even thanking for the things you worry about (I know, this seems even harder) is a better practice. You are turning your negative anxieties into being positive about the future and trusting in fate, God or whatever you believe in.

    I hope that was not too bold of me, but I just know how awful it is to have that relentless droning of background-looping anxiety running through your head day and night.

    Hope that this will help,

    Easter Ellen

    • Thank you for taking the time to comment.
      I do try to think about what I am thankful for but those things sometimes get covered with my other thoughts about everything else. But maybe if I really try to get into habit of truly focusing on things I am thankful for my worrying/anxiety will somewhat subside. I really appreciate the advice.
      And I do believe in something :), I recently realized I am a Celtic Pagan and actually have been for a long time without even knowing. I have been a little leary about telling some people due to it not being well understood though.

      • As I understand (very little of) but that belief system is based on the appreciation of nature. Focus on these things… like I said, it takes practice and a lot of self-discipline.
        I ended up going to a sleep clinic a couple of years ago and the doctor showed me the depth of my anxiety through the way that they track your brain patterns. She said that it was “extreme” as it was like a solid heavy black line instead of slow and steady as it should have been before sleep and then sleep. I had neither… just could not sleep, as usual.
        This is when I had to start changing things. I don’t know if in your new-found belief, there is meditation or prayer, but I pray about the things that are concerning me and then just thank, thank, thank, trying so hard not to let the worry creep in to steal my peace.
        I pray that you are able to settle and hope that you have the best sleep ever tonight as the first night of a new beginning!!!! 🙂

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