I have this fear of abandonment due to ones I was close to moved away or I had to move over three hours away. Only words over the phone or the occasional email while I imagine what they may look like now compared to last time I saw them. Have they aged? What are they wearing? Are they truly happy? I cannot see their happiness there fore it is hard for me to believe when they tell me “I really am Ok”. It is harder to lie when face to face, easier through email and phone call.
We say I love you forever and always. I have lost that “forever” thought. Nothing is forever, that one person could drift away never to be seen again. I am not jaded, I just do not believe anything is permanent. Even though i have this fear of abandonment, I still get attached. I get attached to everything, the car I drive, my dog, new friends, etc. Not attached in a crazy sort of way just in a way that if something or someone gives me comfort or makes me happy I want to keep it around.
Friends and family go their separate ways. One has to wonder if ever the phrase “keep in touch” really means something to people. Is it said so the sadness of a final good bye is avoided? Is it said because they hope there will be no ending?
Friends that have entered my life, then for controllable/uncontrollable reasons the exited my life. I still cherish the time I had knowing them though.
I would rather feel almost any other feeling than the sad feeling of missing someone. It is a feeling I cannot manage.
Missing so many people brings too much grief. However, I know one day I will see them all either in the near future or maybe five years from now. My parents, my sister, previous co-workers/friends, best friend, and my brother.
Image courtesy of zirconicusso at freedigitalphotos.net ” Sad Wood Figure”
Image courtesy of Theeradech Sanin freedigitalphotos.net “Crying Doll”